We all carry our personal dogs in our most valued relations. By dogs, I don’t mean fluffy, yapping four-legged creatures, but our bad habits, addictions, obsessions, over-possessiveness… things we can’t give up. And thrust them on our partner, hoping him/her to welcome it with open arms. Isn’t it too much to ask?
More often than not, these dogs are not the harmless, co-existing ones but ones that dig their teeth into the relation with the purpose of turning it into tatters. This dog might be important, irreplaceable for one but is abominable for the other.
The most common thing I have observed in couples is his habit of smoking which she is not able to get over with. She argues that he give up this wretched dog of his – “It is vile, unhealthy – can bring disease into the house.”
He gets mad and morose, says – “This dog was in my life even before I met you. You accepted me with this dog. Don’t try to change things. I am terribly attached to it. You have to accept it.”
She says – “I knew you had this dog but I hoped you would let it go once I stepped in. I am uncomplaining but somehow I can’t stretch my patience enough to cover both – you and your dog. There is not enough space in my heart.”
He argues that she expects a lot from him, whether it’s just a call, a voice she craves to hear of him, that says – “I care and I’ll be there!” But feelings belong to a different dictionary altogether for men and women, don’t they? As he gives back saying – “I can’t make peace with you and your dog – expectations. It creates an opaque wall between you and me.”
Such is life, dearies! This is the bone of discontent between the two of them. It causes the relation to go through a stress test. Who is to blame – him or her?
Such conspicuous or sometimes inconspicuous dogs nurtured by one and despised by the other exist in all homes, I believe. They can turn ugly a perfectly pretty picture. You can’t harp about the other loving you as you are, as you were.
Today, she ponders over what she got floored by – none of those dogs, for sure, but him – with a pretty mask, then. And ponders for even longer as she finds her answers marry him – for what he chooses to be, whether he understands, ignores and moves on, while she continues to gulp even graver dogs she never imagined she would – unconditionally.
Seasons change.
Feelings change.
Even iron contracts or expands with temperature.
Rocks do cave in with time as water cuts through them – day in and day out.
‘Change’ is the key, the fuel which can still keep the flame ignited. One cannot be oblivious to the signs of the weather.
Change for the better. Change for the ones you care.
So lets start by showing the exit door to the dog, thus creating some more amiable space.
After all, we love to see whom we love, do something for us – whether it means to change ourselves, only to see our loved ones happy. That’s what is real giving – the unconditional way, ain’t it?
2 comments:
Well, I guess I love dogs. I wish some ppl around me were as loyal as them. I agree to wht u suggest though. Life is about accepting, sharing, and giving up the dogs - but be patient - people just love their pets.
Well, gotta accept d dogs sometime.. Though it definitely gets on nerves :-)
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