Old Proverbs, New Twists!

I was jotting down all what little kids come up with in those surprise tests at school where they are given the first half of the proverb and asked to complete it. Humour tickled me non stop as I read them. Believe me, it is funny. Here they are for you to read and let your funny bone do what it’s meant to.

1. People in glass houses shouldn't . . . run around naked.
2. A rolling stone . . . plays the guitar.
3. I think, therefore I . . . get a headache.
4. Early to bed and early to rise . . . is first in the bathroom.
5. Better to be safe than . . . punch a 5th Grader.
6. If at first you don't succeed . . . get new batteries.
7. Strike while the . . . bug is close.
8. The squeaking wheel gets . . . annoying.
9. You can lead a horse to water but . . . how?
10. Don't bite the hand that . . . looks dirty.
11. No news is . . . impossible.
12. A miss is as good as a . . . Mr.
13. You can't teach an old dog . . . math.
14. If you lie down with dogs, you . . . will stink in the morning.
15. Love all, trust . . . me.
16. There is nothing new under the . . . bed.
17. The pen is mightier than . . . the pigs.
18. Home is where your … house is.
19. An idle mind is . . . the best way to relax.
20. Where there is smoke, there is . . . pollution.
21. Happy the bride who . . . gets all the presents.
22. You have nothing to fear but . . . homework.
23. Children should be seen and not... spanked or grounded.
24. A penny saved is . . . not much.
25. Two is company, three is . . . The Musketeers.

Now here are the original ones in case you’re confused.

1. People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.
2. A rolling stone plays no moss.
3. I think, therefore I am.
4. Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.
5. Better to be safe than sorry.
6. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
7. Strike while the iron is hot.
8. The squeaking wheel gets the grease.
9. You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink.
10. Don't bite the hand that feeds you.
11. No news is good news.
12. A miss is as good as a mile.
13. You can't teach an old dog new tricks.
14. If you lie down with dogs, you'll rise with fleas.
15. Love all, trust few, do wrong to none.
16. There is nothing new under the sun.
17. The pen is mightier than the sword.
18. Home is where your heart is.
19. An idle man is the devil’s workshop.
20. Where there is smoke, there is fire.
21. Happy the bride who the sun shines on.
22. You have nothing to fear but fear itself.
23. Children should be seen and not heard.
24. A penny saved is a penny earned.
25. Two is company, three is a crowd.

Today, as I still miss him…

A man of principles. A man of philosophy. A man so spirited and fine.
A man, himself a fighter. A man who taught me to fight. A man who guided me to reach No. 1, each time.

A man of essence. A man so translucent. A man of ultimate fame.
Yet, a man so friendly, so humble, so giving. A man who was above this life’s ball game.

A man so tough. A man full of passion. A man so focused, so rare;
A man so learned. A man so curious. A man who was always fair.

A man who’s voice echoed, so loud n clear. A man who’s temper at times soar;
A man who apologized when he knew he hurt. A man, so unconventional whom I unduly adore.

A man with whom I started my day. A man whom I loved to ape.
Feet on the table, we posed alike. I loved the way we watched the tape.

A man full of vigor. And a man, so child-like. A man who could even swallow farce,
A man with whom I played cards. A man who was my only friend – with whom I spent the longest hours.

A man who spent his evenings listening to the birds chirp and the cool breeze brush his face,
A man who then walked to spend the late evenings to his friend’s place.

A man whom I brought back home in the dark hours, saying, “Papaji, let’s go home”.
A man who accompanied me then, but who cannot accompany me as I still roam.

A man who pampered me and stood by me, against all odds.
A man who read my poems word by word and comprehended the meaning within, aloud.

A man who considered me as his mom. A man who loved me for just what I was.
A man who instilled in me to move on in life, when tripping over or in loss.

A man with whom I connected so much.
A man whom I still miss so much!!

A man who inspired me to be what I am today.
A man who is my grandfather…
Oh! What a pride, I must say!!

I love our unison and cherish it the most,
For what more can a heart desire, but to beat - -
He was my beat, and I wish to bring him back,
Well, I know I can’t do that, while I owe him my feat!

My Daily Canvass

Every day, I start off like this, with a blank canvas and my paints, neat and organized, ready to use. I dislike having to compartmentalize my life, but right now there are so many demands on my time, I have no choice.

My day has multiple pots, bearing multiple colours, my work a couple of colours, my family and friends. I have to leave a pot for just me, for time to let my brain relax and then another pot or two for keeping my home in some sort of semblance. And sometimes I have to steal a little from one or another pot, to fulfill an obligation or promise which I can't keep with a single pot alone. Sometimes I don't call my cousin back the day she calls me. Sometimes I don't answer an email from a dear friend as promptly as I'd like. Sometimes I have to cut short my calls with my love. Sometimes a piece of work finds itself being carried over from one day to another, or one week to another. Sometimes when I just begin to hum my favourite songs, my pots instead go rhythm-less.

As I get into each one of my days, they start looking like a chaotic smear of colour on colour, seemingly without blueprint or plan. This is no paint-by-numbers approach, no keeping within the lines. My paintpots fall into a state of disarray and my brushes grow heavy and clogged with colours from different pots.

But, at the end of the day I get ready for tomorrow. My brushes are purged of all residue, my pots organized and replenished. My mind prepares for another blank canvas and another day. As I look back at my day's canvas, there is organisation even in what appears to be colourful chaos. Or perhaps it's just an ability to interpret the patterns and form, one colour at a time.

After all, each day is, in its own way, a unique masterpiece of my life!

Magic? Fate? Karma?

Magic? Fate? Karma? I don't know what brought us together or why we both feel overwhelmingly connected when we're as diverse as culture. I only know that I want to be with you and live as one, now that we've discovered each other. Only know that I want to be the one who completes you. I want to walk parallel with you every day, every life. I want us to share the same pillow as our heart beat – one that beats for each other. I want us to sparkle and grow as fresh as dew together. I want us to make our dreams turn bigger than we dream. And I want us to share difficulties and challenges hand-in-hand.

We've been given a great life, a bounty that's as deep as the blue sea and as high as the blue sky, the bounty of love, and whatever brought us together, I'm glad. Glad to see myself living for a reason, so special, so lovely… YOU!! I know there's more to life, more reasons and I've known and learned it, but you know what, you're the only reason to bag the highest marks in my life's test. With you, I can never fail. And I would never let you either. So, while I clear my exams each day, with my sincere efforts and your support, I know I'll find more reasons, all those ones you wanted me to know.

Did you know, I've always had exam fevers ever since my 4^th Grade. With you, I no longer fear. Thanks for being what you are to me – the most precious being.

… that's 30 minutes of my life I'll never get back!

I’ll tell you what it saw

I’ll tell you how far it flew - -

It was a picture my mind wrote & tinted

But, would you believe if I said it was true?

The fact that you’re still reading,

I suppose you believe my word in detail,

Come, travel along with me now

As I walk past the corridors, with my fervent trail.

From diamond studded chandeliers to marble stairways,

From royal carpets to the expanse of the endless hallways;

Each painting chose colour that I glanced; every mirror reflected, what I had shown,

Every brick was what I sited; and every pillar paved in gem stone.

I saw no human faces, and I knew I was all alone;

Yet, I say in all honesty, that it didn’t seem like I was on my own.

Every pretty bird twittered in daylight, and chose to sit by that window,

Every gentle wind ardently puffed inside, soft and smooth and slow.

And in no time I’d made a rapport with the beauty, scenic & freed,

As if I were a part of its landscape, ever since I knew how to breathe.

It was my best present ever - -

The present I created myself at mid-night;

The present that was a dream I lived

For 30 minutes, before the dark was replaced by the light.

With the string of my words, with the power of my reverie,

I built this dream of mine;

A beautiful citadel was what I called it - -

Where I saw my brightest smile.

I can't remember what my dream was exactly made of,

And never will I know what caused it to happen, still - -

I’m certain that that’s 30 minutes of my life;

The time that I’ll never get back, even if I will!

Seeking a bride

One of these days, I happened to browse through a matrimonial site, on clicking on a banner that pops up when I open my e-mail, and I am flabbergasted at the listing of expectations of these modern day eligible bachelors and their reverend parents looking for a bride.

Height 5-2" to 5-6", slim/very slim, fair/very fair, modern yet traditional, professionally qualified yet not career oriented, must love cooking, must respect elders and mix with children, adaptable, flexible, a believer in joint family, religious, charming, a friend more than a wife, a daughter rather than a daughter-in-law... the list never ends.

Is it a real flesh-and-blood woman you are seeking or a she-robot with your desirable attributes programmed in?

Also I would like to add to this list, the implicit but ever so existing desire of every husband/parent-in-law - "Thou should be able to produce a baby boy to carry on the family name." If I remember my biology classes correct, the omnipotent Y chromosome that makes a baby boy, is the contribution of dad. I want to engrave this learning on a stone and embed it in every wall of every expectant woman's house. So that if a baby girl is born, all fingers point to the great man.

OK coming back to the desirable bride, some of your wishes may be granted you bride-hunters if you see the cover of the package - adorned in red, bedizened with ornaments, the treat for the eyes, the doll-like Indian bride may be fair, slim, 5-6" if you insist. But rest assured it is just the cover of the gift delivered at your doorstep. Once you open the gift, the real woman inside, you don’t know. And you can be allured by the gift wrap for sometime.

Because what you expect to get out of her is directly a result of what you have to offer her. What you are dealing with is a human being, and an adult one at that.

She is no doll.

And I believe that no human, er no woman is evil. Every young girl waits for the prince charming of her life, to make a little home for herself, to live happily ever after. She has no wrong intention in her mind and heart.

Here are some golden expectations of the groom side based.

First of all, my all-time favorite - professionally qualified but not career-oriented!! What an oxymoron.

This girl who lived and breathed for that piece of paper called degree, who burnt the midnight oil for it, should not have a job/career after marriage bcoz they plan to get rid of some domestic help. Her purpose in life was to get a husband who earns, isn’t it solved? Die you, career and ambition.

Next Mr. Groom wants a friend more than a wife - vow finally a believer in equality of sexes. An equal opportunity employer at last!!

But hang on, this friend for life should not complain of sacrificing her sweetest morning dreams, should rise and shine with the sun and bring a cup of bed tea for him with just the right amount of sugar in it. She must conjure up new dishes to entice his palate everyday. Well if your idea of a friend is just an acquaintance, if you are complacent at the peripheral level of friendship, you sure got a friend. But if you venture to delve into the core, she is no friend, she is a seething volcano just waiting to erupt. But don’t worry, some volcanoes always are dormant, harmless, they never erupt, so you might be safe but don’t doubt that the fact that she is a volcano.

OK enough of husband-bashing!

Now lets turn to - daughter rather than daughter-in-law rule.

After marriage, this girl shall seek the permission of parents in law to see her parents by nature. The length of this time will be recorded and replayed again when she pleads to see them.

Does that sound rude? So it is.

And if a grandchild is not invented within a year of marriage, they will not shirk from questioning her fertility. This is the right they have earned by raising a boy upto the marriageable age.

One more rule - a believer in joint family. Let’s take a pick on that.

If she seeks a vacation, some time away from the humdrum life, away from responsibilities she has to take the whole joint family in tow.

Now I can feel my blood reaching its boiling point. Let’s not lose focus.

So winding up the moral of the story is, I believe, that love begets love.

Respect begets respect.

Do unto her what you expect her to do unto you.

No listing of the qualities in the matrimonials will give you that dream woman.

Even a dog knows when to dig its teeth and when to wag its tail.

And look at her, she is from the most evolved human er woman species. She knows better than an animal.

Finally if you want a woman who is a giver always, go and propose to a she-saint and I would like to know the result!!!

HIDE THAT LOOK

We all get zillions of looks by different eyes, every day. The language that the eyes speak and the heart hears is unmistakable. No matter how the movement of lips tries to delude the ears, but the eyes give it away. They speak the truth. So whenever in doubt, trust the eyes, not the lips.

If what you are saying is different from what your eyes mean to say, you can be safe by not looking at the other person in the eye or by wearing sunglasses. Otherwise, you will get caught.

At work the boss says - “Good Morning, how are you” matched with a “Yesterday-was-the-deadline-where-are-we?” look.

A colleague says –“I like your shirt” matched with a “High-time-you-realized-what-colors-suit-you” look.

A subordinate says – “Lets party for your promotion, boss” with a “I-worked-and-you-took- the-credit” look.

A hostess says –“Welcome, happy to see you” with an “Eat-n-get-lost” look.

The guest says –“Thanks for the evening” with a “Glad-it’s-over” look.

The person next-door says –“Come home sometime” with a “Hope-that-time-never-comes” look.

A man stands when a pregnant woman colleague enters a meeting room saying - “Please take my seat” matched with a “Go-home-if-you-want-to-be-treated special” look.

The waitress at a restaurant when asked for a refill of a drink smiles -“My pleasure” with a “Don’t-forget-to-leave-a-heavy-tip” look.

The store-attendant says -“Take your time” with a “Get-lost-if-you-don’t-want-to-buy” look.

The husband says- “I am sorry darling” with an “I-don’t-mean-it-but-hope-this-puts-out-the-fire” look.

The wife says -“O, I forgot to add sugar in your tea” with a “Serves-you-right” look.

The girlfriend says - “Can’t wait to spend Valentine’s Day with you” with a “Dare-you-get-only-roses-for-me-this-time” look.

The boyfriend says - “Where would you like to dine today” with an “It-better-not-be-expensive” look.

The mom-in-law says to daughter-in-law at the dinner table - “This is delicious” with a “When-will-you-learn-to-cook” look.

The fiancée says -“I love your sense of humor” with a “Do-I-have-to-wait-till-marriage-to-tell-that-your-jokes-are-sickening” look.

The relative says - “Hope you could have stayed with us some more days” with a “Hurry-I-can’t-afford-your-missing-the-train” look.

In a public play area, on hearing a child’s shriek, one mom says to the other - “Sorry, my kid hurt him” with a “Your-kid-asked-for-it” look.

The bride’s unmarried friend says at the marriage -“You two make a wonderful couple” with a “You-didn’t-deserve-him” look.